…whenever I ask my mother if she remembers, her answer is the same: ‘Vaguely.’And I believe her. Because so much about my early childhood is vague. Some things, however, I remember with absolute clarity. I knew as early as seven that something was off. I didn’t care about things the way other kids did. Certain emotions – like happiness and anger – came naturally, if somewhat sporadically. But social emotions – things like guilt, empathy, remorse and even love – did not. Most of the time, I felt nothing. So I did ‘bad’ things to make the nothingness go away. It was like a compulsion.
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